Getting a Handle

On Resentment

by Dr. TRK


From time to time, everyone has probably felt resentment towards somebody, or something. But did we ever stop to think about what resentment really is? Why should we avoid it? What makes us feel resentful in the first place? Can we avoid it completely? If we have resentment, how do we let go of it? Let’s address some of these questions.

What Is Resentment?

Resentment is a negative feeling that we hold within ourselves and against others. Subtle or blatant resentment causes bad vibrations. It distorts our perception and prevents us from being happy and giving happiness to others. When resentment comes, we are neither open-minded, nor open-hearted. We block communication, love, peace, and growth.

Why Should We Avoid Resentment?

Resentment is not good for us because it destroys our relationships. Being resentful builds a wall between us and our loved ones. Communication breaks down. We become incapable of finding creative options to solve problems. When we are resentful, we hurt mainly ourselves. Others may not even know what we are feeling—sometimes we even resent those who are already dead!

Why Do We Feel Resentment?

Resentment rushes in when we are not inspiring ourselves. It comes from our own inadequacy and lack. When we think somebody has done harm to us, or not met our expectations, we resent them. Then we get angry, jealous, or just plain self-righteous. At that time, our ego is squawking because our images have not been satisfied.

Avoiding Resentment

Whatever living situation we are in, there are bound to be times when we must either give or take good advice. Such times are a perfect opportunity for us to practice our "anti-resentment" tactics. How? By giving and receiving advice graciously.

We should not feel resentful towards someone who needs to change something. Are we not all imperfect? In the same light, why should we feel resentment towards someone who tells us what we need to change? Instead of wasting time and energy in negativity about our own or others’ faults, we should put out efforts into becoming better. How quickly resentment disappears when we are busy improving life for ourselves and our loved ones.

Letting Go

If we find ourselves already feeling resentment over someone or something, we should consider these things.

First, there is never a valid reason to harbor resentment against anyone, no matter how much our mind tries convincing us otherwise. If somebody makes a mistake, we should try to help that person with understanding and compassion.

Second, if we resent those who are doing more than us, we should learn their good qualities. Then we will have those qualities too! People who do a lot of good things are usually energetic and inspired. If we become inspired ourselves, we’ll find ways to learn from others, rather than resenting them.

Finally, we should remember that we alone control our mind, ego, and emotions. Nobody can do that for us. Since our feelings are our own, only we can control them. To let go of resentment, we must place before us the goal of improving our interactions with others. When we do that, we will be so busy chiseling away at our imperfections and inspiring ourselves to improve, that resentment will never again enter the door of our lives.



We have to discipline the

mind rather than sympathize

with its idiosyncrasies.


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