Rising Above Anger

One of the most difficult habits to control is anger. Anger can come out of negative or egotistic reactions such as hatred, revenge, annoyance, or grudges. Sometimes, we can use anger in the positive sense when we want to save someone from danger or from self-destructive bad habits. Righteous indignation is a healthy quality, but the negative side of anger is a liability in our lives.

Controlling Behavior

To overcome our habit of anger, we have to control our negative emotions, bad feelings, and behavior. Suppose someone makes a remark that is untrue or unkind. We should keep doing our best and not get angry. Instead of "getting back," we should explain that they are being unfair or we should just drop the incident. We do not need to respond to others with anger. Instead, we need to become humble to create inner peace and drop unnecessary conflict. Humility is strength, not weakness.

We cannot control other people's behavior, but we can always improve our own. If our behavior with others is poor and they get perturbed or walk away from us, then we ourselves are to blame. If we correct our behavior, we save ourselves from a lot of turmoil in our mind and in our lives. That is why we have to stay aware of our own pitfalls and remain totally focused on our higher nature.

Dropping Expectations

Often, we superimpose our subjective images on others and expect them to fulfill their part of a relationship by always behaving in our image or fulfilling our emotional needs. We cannot get angry because others do not meet these expectations. It is due to our own unfulfilled emotional attachments that we suffer. Our relationships with others should be free from that kind of subjectivity. We should see ourselves and others as souls. We need to cultivate confidence in our own soul, inner depth, and maturity. Our attachment should be to wisdom, growth, and liberation.

What should we do if we are the victim of abuse or unrealistic expectations from others in a relationship? If others have done injustice to us and are abusing us due to their ignorance or selfishness, we should not get angry. We should give them wisdom, get help, or stay away from them. We should remember that whatever people practice inside, they display in their behavior. We cannot rewire their brains. We should just be aware of the imperfections and selfishness of people and deal with them accordingly, without getting verbally or mentally angry. We do not have to continue to befriend people who are selfish and self-centered.

Being a Good Example

One of the best ways to help others is through our own good example. If someone has bad habits, we do not have to take on those habits. If someone is selfish we do not have to be selfish. We have to be aware of the selfishness of others and curb our own selfishness. We should not get angry because of someone else's bad habits, but instead, be a good example for them.

If we practice patience and control our angry reactions, we will be a source of inspiration to others. If others do not take the hint from our good example, that is their problem, not ours. We should never stop doing the good we are doing. We should never stop speaking the truth and giving wisdom. If they do not want to listen, then so be it. We should never carry anger in the form of annoyance, grudges, resentment, or ill-will. If we hold onto these feelings, we are hurt more than the person we are holding them against. Then we lose the chance to learn to be mature, understanding, and compassionate. We should continue to correct our own shortcomings, and set a good example.

Perfecting Our Nature

As human beings, we are all imperfect. That is why we should continue perfecting our nature as long as we live. We need to study wisdom daily, learn from high teachers, or make our own effort to rectify our negative behavior. We should be open-hearted and humble to accept our faults and learn from them, realizing we can control anger just as we can control any bad habit. We should not condemn ourselves for getting angry or for anything that happens. We should pick ourselves up, regain the momentum of inspiration, and start the next moment with freshness.